June 21-29, 2011
Then: The culprit sleeping on your floor that sparked Gracie’s interest is named Cole. For reasons apparently unknown to everyone, he was randomly in Eau Claire on Tuesday, June 21st to party with my ex-boyfriend Joel. About a month ago, Eric also randomly became friends with Joel through facebook. This strange mutual friendship brought Joel, Cole, and two other females to our humble abode that Tuesday night. Joel was disastrously drunk. Cole had been drinking, but was still put-together, comprehendible, and had a good sense of humor that matched me and Eric’s. The stage has been set!
Joel disappeared after about an hour or so (but not before literally stealing a bunch of our food while myself, my roommates, and Cole sat and enjoyed each others’ cheerful banter in the living room). I was almost immediately attracted to Cole when he walked into my house, although I initially had a low opinion of for hanging out with Joel. It became glaringly apparent throughout their visit to our house that they were nothing alike and didn’t really get along with one another. Soon after his arrival, I got the feeling that Cole was interested in me, so I took the bait and swooped in for the flirt. I sneakily exchanged phone numbers with him, and within the hour he was text messaging that he thought I was cute and what-not. I made fun of him for flirting via text message when we were in the same room, and that kicked off real-life flirting that could very well be the best I’ve ever experienced and participated in. He became more appealing with every minute. Eventually he left (after making his desire to stay obvious), and I wrote it off as a one-time occurrence. We became friends on facebook, and started texting a little bit the next day. This is where plans to get together during Pride originated. I guess it wasn’t going to be a one-time thing.
While I was attracted to him (both look-wise and personality-wise), I realized via facebook that he is slightly younger than I anticipated (19 years old…) and leads a slightly tanner and more drunken lifestyle. I didn’t want to get too invested because of this, so I figured that things will happen if they were “meant to.” Closer to Pride weekend, he began to text message me much more frequently, but I never made any specific plans with him (this turned out to be a theme for the weekend - as evidenced by my very late plan-making with you regarding spending the night in your palace). The events finally unfolded to reveal that Cole wanted to spend all of Saturday with Eric and I, but I wasn’t going to take him to your birthday celebration. The three of us went to the mall, then Eric and I celebrated your birthday with you, and then we met Cole again afterwards and went to the Gay 90’s together.
Cole and I hung out together at the club, and I feel like we had a good chemistry. I asked him to dance at one point, and that turned into a romp and kissing session that the Tea Party would die from if witnessed. That’s actually an overstatement. It was pretty innocent and refreshing, compared to similar situations I’ve been in and have witnessed in the past. It was obvious that he wasn’t trying to score with me. In fact, it was oddly intimate and romantic. That theme continued for the rest of the night, as we walked around arm-in-arm and watched the drag queens together while public-cuddling (I wonder if you’ll understand that phrase, b/c I don’t know how else to describe it! Read: innocent). The three of us left the club at about 2am and headed for McDonald’s per Cole’s request. He couldn’t get ahold of the person he was supposed to stay with (or so he said?), so I told him he could stay with Eric and I. I still feel bad for not asking to bring a stranger into your home. No excuses. It was disrespectful, and I apologize for that. Although I can assure you that my intentions were pure.
As you know, I ended up sleeping next to him. At some point during the night/morning, he started cuddling with me and such. Again, nothing skeezy. Just cute. Not even the bad kind of cute… It was as if he knew exactly how the walk the lines through my head of what I would find cute and acceptable and what would have been too much. He apparently woke up at exactly the same time that I did, and when I turned to look and see if he was awake, he was just opening his eyes and got this huge smile on his face. That might be where I officially “fell for it.” Or possibly when amidst his huge smile, he snuggled up against my side and put his arm around me. I feel/felt like a complete sucker, but he is/was too innocent about it to incite my fears of being manipulated or foolish. Either way, I suddenly had a big crush on this kid. Sick. Not what I wanted or felt I was bargaining for.
The three of us shower (separately!) and then head out to the parade. Out of nowhere comes this Tyler guy, and Cole almost forgets I exist. I had half-seen him text messaging a guy named Tyler, but didn’t think anything of it b/c I hadn’t yet realized I was legitimately interested in Cole. Then they peck each other on the lips and grab each others’ hands. This is when I realized I liked Cole. Because I got jealous. So I’m sitting there trying to act normal, while taking inventory of these new feelings and trying to label them and their root causes - and then this Tyler kid starts bitching at Cole. About something mundane, like walking to meet him somewhere when he was already with another friend. This type of communication continues. Cole is metaphorically getting his ears slapped for the wind blowing, and he’s just sitting there taking it. Later conversation with Cole reveal this is normal for them.
I see the look in Cole’s eyes and read their body language. It’s me and Kyle all over again, or at least what I would describe as that “relationship lesson”. Holy crow, I was dating Kyle when I was 19. This puts this age thing into perspective. Tyler leaves eventually, and I give Cole my judging look. He looks super guilty, but tries to joke it off. I give him the silent treatment. Not to be bitchy, but because I didn’t know how to deal with the situation and I didn’t want to give away my weird feelings of jealousy-meets-paternal-understanding-and-desire-to-save-him-from-himself. Haha. The parade ends and Eric, Cole, and I walk to Loring Park for the festival. Cole ditches us for that Tyler guy and texts me to apologize and explain that they’re kind of dating (although they hadn’t spent any time together for two days, although Tyler was downtown the previous night… with other guys). Eric and I run into them at least five times. Super awkward. I begin my text message lecture to Cole about his man-friend being a douche bag. I look for your booth, but then Eric’s friend Rachel is coming to the festival via the light rail. Eric wants to meet her downtown, so we have to leave the park - but I find your booth on the way out, but you hadn’t yet arrived! Then we eventually met you!
Now: I’m upset with myself for developing a crush on a guy when being single and apathetic about romance was going so well! Then I decided that I want to get what I want, and started a strategic text message/facebook assault on Cole. So far, so good. He’s apparently broken things off with that Tyler guy, and he likes me more than ever. Still, I don’t have a car and he and I live at least 90 minutes away from one another. He says he’s going to visit me very soon. Whatever that means. I keep telling Eric and Kelly (from work) that I know what I’m doing, but really I don’t. I let myself get jealous, accepted it, and then acted out of jealousy and genuine interest in someone that I should be more cautious about. I’m telling myself to just have fun with it and enjoy the attention while I can get it. Maybe I could have a summer fling… but I’ve tried that before. I always get hurt. Oh well. The logical thing to do doesn’t sound appealing, nor does it seem logical enough to ignore the fun part. I’m reluctantly letting myself be foolish.
